well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
