How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
