If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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