Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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