What a fucking waste of an outfit
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
