the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
