I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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