I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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