Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he thought i was a dude.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
