Your face is a jimmy john
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
