The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
