My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
