there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
