Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
