I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
