I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
