I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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