I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you would pick up someone in the library
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
