i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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