Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
