and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
