a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
