i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
