FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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