didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
