Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
