shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
