I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
