Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
