no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i think my cat just said my name.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
