It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
