No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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