Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
