In the future we'll all be gay
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
