guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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