your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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