How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
