we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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