I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
