There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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