The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
