Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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