at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
