I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
