YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize