Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
