and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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