I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
