I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
