I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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