You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
