I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
