I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize