Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
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I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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