Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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