You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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