Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
