I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
