we made out on top of his cat.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
