It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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