he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
