I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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