I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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