Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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