I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
