I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
