i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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