If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
