You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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