how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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