Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
