Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
this beer tastes like vomit already
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
