Please don't use social media to get back at me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize