i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You smell like stripper and shame
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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