your room smells of hookers.
And success
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
